T.G.I.F. (Thank God I ain't Fired)

Good people,

You'll be happy to hear that I recently attended the Happy Cappy Investment Team holiday party. But before we dive in let me just give you some background on the prior three work-related parties I went to.

1) Last year's holiday party: Mountains of cheese as far as the eye could see, open bar where you get served by old dudes in tuxes, meat carving stations with those red lights that keep the food warm. A good time was had by all.

2) Retirement party of a senior HCIT employee: an incredible view of the city, open bar where you get served by old dudes in tuxes, absolutely delightful hors d'oeuvres.

3) Summer party this year: nice spread, open bar where you get served by young dudes and dudettes in tuxes, tasty buffet.

One of the things a fellow attendee said about the summer party was that it was a sign that HCIT was doing well. Yep, was.

Did I mention that there was a casino theme at that summer party? Oh it was great, we all got to play cards and craps and roulette. While we were playing with fake money people brought us free food and drinks the whole time and spoiled us. In other words, it was exactly like being at a hedge fund.

Fast forward to this year's holiday party. It was held at T.G.I.F. Okay not really, but the place was like one step above T.G.I.F., the type of place that deep fries your utensils before serving you your meal. That's all fine and dandy. I sometimes eat that shit. But this place was trying to do the whole private corporate party vibe which was just sad. They brought out things like grapes and cheese. As it turns out we were downgraded from cheese mountains to two half-wheels... which I think were for display purposes only as no one actually cut the cheese--giggle if you must--and there were no cheese knives in the vicinity. So I think we actually just rented cheese.

And there was no real food, just finger food. I felt like those people who try to put togther a meal by filling up on all the Costco samples being served in various aisles. (Microwave crabcakes, instant oatmeal, Hot Pockets, Go-GURT, beef jerky, yum yum!)

The party line is that the event was downgraded to this venue so as not to look arrogant or decadent in these lean financial times. Decadence is fine when 4% of the population is out of work but when that figure hits 6% that decadence is just in bad taste. I'm pretty sure that as long as we don't fly to our parties in private jets or ask for billion dollar handouts we'll be able to fly under the radar.

Now here's the real kicker to our humble party: no significant others allowed. Not only does this go against the trend up to this point it goes against the first email sent out about the party. But I think this is a good move. I can't tell you the amount of times I've heard others in the hedge fund business say "Who do those HCIT motherfuckers think they are with their lavish parties and their significant others?"

Oh and did I mention that a rumor started circulating that day from an industry magazine saying that the HCIT is going to start doing layoffs. That really added some punch to the CEO's holiday speech since he had to deny that on top of the pile of already horrendous news. I believe the exact words of one of the servers was "I thought I was going to cry after that speech."

Good times.